


Kingdom Hearts Sketch 2- At the Round Room

by TrinityXaosA



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Based off Abridged works, Based on Abridged works, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on deviantArt, Cross-Posted on deviantArt and FanFiction.Net, Jailbird!Xigbar, Kid!Zexion, Meeting, Organization XIII (Kingdom Hearts), Parody, Pre-Organization XIII (Kingdom Hearts), Referenced Saïx and Axel (Kingdom Hearts), Saïx and Axel mentioned, Screenplay/Script Format, Skit, Summary fixed compared to its other versions, TWTNW, The World That Never Was (Kingdom Hearts), The founding members of Organization XIII are awkward and dorks, To work there as punishment, Vexen sues Xigbar off-screen, Written back in 2015, Xaldin grieves, Xigbar goes to Disney Land/World, Zexion naps, dorky, office meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 09:24:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20992502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinityXaosA/pseuds/TrinityXaosA
Summary: “Why the Thirteenth Order became Organization Thirteen for the English version of Kingdom Hearts? Why was the Where Nothing Gathers room created? And why Xigbar wasn’t around for five whole years? All these answers are right here in: At the Round Room.”





	Kingdom Hearts Sketch 2- At the Round Room

**Author's Note:**

> This sketch is the second parody that I wrote down while I was in my last month of high school. Only instead of being based on a scene from the games, this sketch is an original story over a year after Birth by Sleep with the formation of Organization XIII. That didn’t mean Xemnas had completely prepared the world they reside in for any matters from meetings or getting new members for their future.

Cast:

Xemnas- No. I- The Superior over In-Between

Xigbar- No. II- The Free Sharpshooter or Freeshooter

Xaldin- No. III- The Whirlwind Lancer

Vexen- No. IV- The Chilly Academic

Lexaeus – No. V- The Silent Hero

Zexion- No. VI- The Cloaked Schemer

The Guard who watches Xigbar while he serves his punishment

“Why the Thirteenth Order became Organization Thirteen for the English version of Kingdom Hearts? Why was the Where Nothing Gathers room created? And why Xigbar wasn’t around for five whole years? All these answers are right here in: At the Round Room.”

INT. MEETING ROOM

Setting appearance: Bizarrely enough, the room resembles an average workplace meeting room, though empty of shelves, with an average sized round table with six seats and behind the front seat is a white board with a dry erase marker.

Scene:

The first six members of Organization XIII sat in the seats at the table. Xemnas rises up from his seat.

** XEMNAS: **

Greetings everyone! I like to welcome you all to the Organization and to our first group meeting!

The other five clapped in response to this. Xemnas sits down, then picks up a packet of paper in his left hand, and finally raises his right hand to usher silence.

** XEMNAS: **

In my hand are the details of this meeting’s objectives and how we are to organize ourselves for the next dozen of years. So will everyone turn the page of their own copy of the packet to page four, please?

They did as they were asked.

** XEMNAS: **

The first few objectives are kind of obvious- number one involves finding and recruiting new members for our group, for the reasons such as proving that we are a group of thirteen, so Xigbar, you and Xaldin are in charge of searching for those members to fill our remaining five seats.

Zexion raises his hand like a school student, Vexen notices and moves in to have the boy whisper into his ear before straightening himself.

** VEXEN ** ** : **

Lord Xemnas, Ienzo— (receives a glare from the Superior) sorry, Zexion— has a question that goes like this:

“There are six members – us – here. So, we will need seven members, not five. So, why five?”

** XEMNAS: **

Xaldin? Would you like to answer Zexion’s question?

Xaldin looked at both parties and his left eye began to twitch in some form of annoyance or agony.

** XEMNAS: **

Uh, Xaldin…?

** LEX: **

Here it comes.

Xaldin screams in rage then slams himself on the table, and pounds his right hand up and down on the table.

**XALDIN:  
**Rrraaaarrggg!!!!!! (In despair) Stupid – *_THUMP_* little – *_THUMP_* intruding- *_THUMP_* buggas!!!

Xaldin then begins to sob

** XALDIN: **

*_SOBBING_* (Something that comes out like “Oh-oh-oh-oh”.)

Xemnas, Xigbar, Vexen, and Zexion looked bewildered by Xaldin’s emotional burst of agony. Lexaeus on the other hand, merely has his left hand over his eyes in an annoyed manner, groaning as if he knew that the event was going to happen.

** LEX: **

It was bound to happen…

** XEMNAS: **

Um…okay…? How about this: Would you like to answer the question in Xaldin’s place, Lexaeus?

** LEX: **

Long story short: after we formed this group, two Nobodies from our world appeared and were recruited. Right now, they are resting up.

** XIGBAR: **

Oh yeah, those two squirts. One with red-orange hair and the other with blue hair, right?

Xaldin shivers in response.

** XIGBAR: **

What were their names again? Anyone?

** VEXEN ** ** : **

The blue haired boy was named Number VII, Saix.

Xaldin lets out a sigh and relaxes a little.

** VEXEN ** ** : **

And the red-haired rascal is Number VIII, Axel.

** XALDIN: **

Aargh! The horror!

Vexen slams his hands on the table

** VEXEN ** ** : **

What the blazing Hell is your problem?! *GASPS*

Vexen clamps his mouth with his hands. All the while everyone, except agonizing Xaldin, looked in shock at the Chilly Academic.

** VEXEN ** ** : **

(To the whole) Okay! I swore the H-word!! So SUE ME!!! (To Xaldin) And get a grip on your sanity, man! For Pete’s sake – seriously!

Vexen crosses his arms and huffs in frustration. And then a very awkward silence overcame everyone, but Xaldin, for a good amount of time.

** XEMNAS: **

Uh…*WHISTLES*…Coffee break, anyone?

Silence still took the scene; Zexion, however, went out to take a break with Lexeaus following from behind.

** XIGBAR: **

*HUMS* So…are you for real about getting sued, Doc Vex?

Vexen snaps

** VEXEN ** ** : **

THAT’S IT, BUDDY!!! WHERE’S MY SNAKING LAWYER?! WE’RE GOING TO SUE YOU FOR EVERYTHING BEYOND YOUR MUNNY!!!

** XIGBAR: **

Oh, CRAP and SH*T!!!

Xigbar tries to warp out but Vexen freezes him with his Ice Magic, also freezing Xemnas’ left arm…

** XEMNAS: **

Ah! ...holy- Déjà vu!

…And misses Xaldin completely. Vexen then goes to the frozen Xigbar and uses a Corridor of Darkness to get to the Court. Another silence comes for Xemnas with a weeping Xaldin nearby.

** XEMNAS: **

*TAPS FIGURES ON TABLE* Fine weather outside, huh?

Xaldin lifts his head up a few inches off the table and tilts it to look over to Xemnas

** XALDIN: **

…?

PLEASE STAND BY

Everyone is back from whatever they did.

** XEMNAS: **

Okay fellas, 2nd order today is to figure out how to get ourselves Kingdom Hearts. Any ideas are welcomed.

** XIGBAR: **

How about a Keyblade, Nobody?

** OTHER MEMBERS: **

(Lex) … (Zexion) Yeah. (Xaldin) Okay. (Vexen) Excellent Idea, Xigbar.

**XEMNAS:**  
Sure, that’s one less topic to worry about. Next thing we need to have is…*Looks at his notes* A new meeting room.

** VEXEN ** ** : **

Why?!

**XEMNAS: **  
Because we may end up killing each other because we’re too close together at this table.

**XIGBAR: **  
Great, now I’ll never get to order pizza.

** ZEXION: **

Why would you order food?

** XIGBAR: **

Why not?

** LEX: **

(STOIC) The Fairness Rule.

**XIGBAR:**  
THE FAIRNESS RULE?!

** XEMNAS: **

It’s not just the future thirteen members of this Order – but also all the DAMN Nobodies in this so-called existence!!!  
**XIGBAR:**

F*** you all!!! *GASP*

Both Xemnas and Xigbar clamp their mouths with their hands and everyone looked at Zexion. Zexion then vanishes.

** ALL BUT LEX: **

…!!!

** LEX: **

It was nap time.

** ALLL BUT LEX AND ZEXION: **

So that was a mirage!!!

Meanwhile in Zexion’s room: Zexion was holding a MeowWow plushie while covered by the blanket in bed asleep.

“And for millions of reasons, the Order moved their meeting place to the Where Nothing Gathers room. And they change their name to Organization XIII in English because of copyright problems because of the M-rated The Order video game.”

** XEMNAS: **

Was so not why we changed the name!

** VEXEN ** ** : **

Besides, we came first in the 2000’s; _The Order_ came in this decade, the 2010’s.

“Because the name ‘Organization XIII’ sounds cooler…?”

** XEMNAS: **

What the difference in coolness?!

“Because Disney likes to screw with all the good stuff to make more ‘kid-like’?”

** XIGBAR: **

Explain the eye and scar incident then!

“Axel suggested it?”

** XALDIN: **

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! Don’t say such blasmaphy!!!

“Fine then, jerks! You tell me why you changed the dumb name then!”

** ALL FIVE IN ROOM: **

F----ing American Dub Translation system/regulation!

“Aw, Sh*t! The CIA is here because of that flame! Help!!!

** XEMNAS: **

All Nobodies – ATTACK!!!

War scene still of all the Nobodies charging at the Earth:

“This battle would be the rekindling of the Japanese anime/video game to American Dub War (for who-knows-whatever time).”

** XIGBAR: **

Crap! It was the stupid CIA’s fault.

“Xigbar was then arrested by the CIA on charges of assault, vulgar language, and because he violated the American status quo and Disney law.”

“He was sentenced to work at Disney World as the new singer of the ‘It’s a Small World’ song.”

** XIGBAR: **

_It’s a Small World after all,_

_We can all play in the sunlight,_

_While our folks do all the money stuff right_

_Plus the Nobodies can steal all the good jobs---_

Arrgg!!! I can’t do this! I don’t even know the song’s lyrics or tempo to makes this work.

** GUARD: **

We talked about this Xigbar. The choices were singing “It’s a Small World”, handing kids balloons and sprinkling people with confetti while dressed up as Dopey the Dwarf, or being the test driver of all the new rides in construction.

LATER…

Xigbar, dressed as Dopey, is riding a roller coaster up a hill while reading the lyrics of “It’s a Small World”…

** XIGBAR: **

(Enlightened Tone) Oh!

_It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears_

_It’s a world of hope and a world of fears_

_There’s so much that we share that it’s time we’re aware_

_It’s a Small World after all_

_It’s a Small World after ----_

(Screams) All-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Xigbar’s ride goes down the ramp and into the testing zone, full of cactuses, violent ducks, and an angry Dopey.

** XIGBAR: **

(Horrified) Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

END OF SKETCH

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I made this back in 2015 so I made some naïve choices in some of my story details and dialogue. My first and editable choice was what federal American agency would be after Organization XIII and Xigbar; I originally used the FBI but due to issues about it right now, I replaced it with the CIA since they do international work. The other was Xigbar’s first try with “It’s a Small World”, which now I can’t believe what I wrote had political commentary. I swear I was only after some funny improv fails for Xigbar when I initially wrote this! I never was thinking about any of our political troubles at the time. Alterations aside, I hope that this work gave you a laugh for its content.


End file.
